When to Shut Up, Listen, and Not Make It About You.

Here’s a radical idea: not every conversation is your stage. Sometimes the best thing you can do is shut up and let someone else have the floor.

We live in a culture of performative empathy. Someone shares a struggle, and suddenly it’s an open invitation for you to share your story, your solution, your opinion. But that’s not listening. That’s hijacking. It makes their pain about your perspective.

Active listening is a cornerstone in clinical psychology. Carl Rogers called it unconditional positive regard - showing up with curiosity and empathy without judgment or agenda. The power is in presence, not performance.

So how do you know if you’re doing it wrong? If the words “I know exactly how you feel” leave your mouth before they’ve even finished talking, you’re making it about you. If your advice shows up before your attention, you’re making it about you. If you leave the conversation feeling like you delivered a TED Talk, you definitely made it about you.

Listening is not passive. It’s a discipline. It means asking follow-up questions instead of counterpoints. It means being quiet long enough for silence to do its work. And it means resisting the ego’s urge to shine.

Sometimes support isn’t giving the right answer. It’s giving your attention, fully and without condition.