If It’s Always Them, It Might Be You.

There’s one common denominator in every relationship, every workplace, every friendship you’ve ever had: you. That’s not blame, it’s math. And if every story you tell ends with “they were the problem,” maybe it’s time to ask some harder questions.

Psychologists call this externalization of blame. It’s a defense strategy where the ego protects itself by shifting all responsibility outward. Sometimes that’s fair - there are abusive bosses, manipulative partners, selfish friends. But when every single dynamic in your life leaves you as the “reasonable” one and them as the villain, the pattern says more about you than you want to admit.

Here’s the truth: being the hero in every story is lonely. It means you never have to grow, because everyone else is always wrong. And growth doesn’t happen in echo chambers. It happens in uncomfortable mirrors - the ones that show you your part in the chaos.

This isn’t about blame, it’s about agency. If you’re the common denominator, that means you’re also the variable you can control. Owning your part doesn’t make you weak. It makes you free.