When Your Growth Outpaces Your Group Chat.

There was a time you’d drop everything to respond in the group chat. Now you’re letting those notifications pile up like laundry.

Yeah. That’s not you being fake. That’s you growing.

Here’s the thing: friendships are like playlists. They make sense when you’re in a certain season of life - a little messy, a little chaotic, maybe even a little self-destructive. And then your taste changes. You’re still you, but the songs hit differently now.

Sometimes growth is obvious. You quit drinking, they’re still planning every hang around happy hour. You’re in therapy, they’re still recycling the same fight with their ex. Sometimes it’s subtle - you just notice you leave the conversation feeling drained instead of energized.

This isn’t about deciding who’s “better.” It’s about realizing the habits, humor, and coping mechanisms that used to feel like connection don’t align with where you’re headed.

In psychology, there’s something called relational alignment - basically, how much your values, energy, and goals match the people you’re close to. When the gap gets too wide, connection takes more effort. That’s not bad. It’s just data.

So what do you do?

• Stop making it about loyalty. You can love people deeply and still see that you’re moving in different directions.

• Shift the space, not always the person. Maybe you still see them, but not for the things that keep you stuck.

• Leave with grace. Outgrowing someone doesn’t require a breakup speech - sometimes it’s just fewer check-ins and more intention when you do connect.

You’re not the villain for needing conversations that feed where you’re going instead of anchoring you where you were.

Growth doesn’t always mean losing people. Sometimes it just means losing the need to keep everything exactly the same.