Compare Yourself. Just Do It Properly.

We're told not to compare ourselves to other people, to stay in our own lane, to remember that social media is a highlight reel. All good advice. Still, telling people to stop comparing themselves is a bit like telling them to stop noticing when someone else gets promoted, buys a house, gets married, loses weight, starts a business, or somehow manages to run a marathon before breakfast.

We notice. Of course we do.

Social comparison is a normal psychological process. We use other people as reference points to understand where we stand, how we're doing, and what might be possible for us. The problem isn't that we compare. It's that we often compare things that were never equal to begin with.

You compare your second year in business to someone's fifteenth. Your body to someone with different genetics, circumstances, time, and resources. Your relationship to the couple whose relationship you know almost nothing about. Your career to someone who started with different connections, opportunities, responsibilities, and luck (Yes, we said luck).

Then, based on this wildly incomplete data, you decide you're behind.

Do you know what that’s called? Bad math.

A better comparison is much closer to home. Are you handling things differently than you did a year ago? Are your boundaries better? Do you recover faster after something goes wrong? Are you having conversations you used to avoid? Are you making decisions with more confidence, apologizing when you need to, resting without quite as much guilt, or noticing your own patterns before they blow up your life?

That is progress too. It just doesn't photograph as well.

The problem with constantly looking sideways is that you miss your own evidence. You forget what used to overwhelm you. You overlook the things that once terrified you and now barely require a second thought. You move the goalpost so quickly that you never stop to notice you are standing somewhere you once wanted desperately to reach.

There is nothing wrong with being inspired by other people. Someone else's success can show you what's possible, give you ideas, or push you to work harder. But their life is a terrible measuring stick for yours.

Every now and then, look back instead of sideways. The person you were a year ago is probably the only one qualified to tell you how far you've come.