P is for Projection.

Projection is one of those defense mechanisms you learn about in Psych 101, but it’s not just a textbook term. It’s a daily, messy, human thing we all do. At its core, projection is the mind’s sneaky way of disowning the parts of yourself you don’t want to face. You point at someone else and say, “That’s you,” when deep down, it’s you too.

Think about it. The coworker who drives you insane because they’re “so disorganized”? Check your own desk before you throw that stone. The friend you keep accusing of being controlling? Maybe that’s the part of you that panics when you’re not in charge. The partner you swear is “needy”? Maybe they’re just holding up a mirror to the part of you that hates needing anything at all.

Psychologically, projection is about ego protection. Freud laid the groundwork here, but modern psychology frames it as a form of avoidance. When we’re confronted with traits, feelings, or desires that don’t match the version of ourselves we want to believe in, we toss them onto someone else. That way, we get to feel safe and superior while skipping the uncomfortable work of self-reflection.

But here’s the cost. Projection corrodes trust. It turns every relationship into a dumping ground for the stuff you don’t want to carry. Over time, the people around you start to notice. They pull back, they roll their eyes, or they outright call you out. And when they do, you double down, because admitting they’re right means admitting you’ve been wrong. The cycle repeats, and the distance grows.

This doesn’t mean every criticism you have is projection. Sometimes people really are disorganized, controlling, or selfish. The giveaway is intensity. If your reaction feels louder than the situation calls for, if you keep harping on the same trait over and over, that’s a sign the thing you’re reacting to has roots inside you.

So how do you break the loop? Start small. When you’re about to call someone out, pause and ask: is there even a sliver of this in me? If the answer is yes, own it out loud. It changes the whole conversation. “I know I can be controlling too, but here’s how this is landing on me.” That’s honesty. That builds connection.

Projection is natural. We all do it. The work is recognizing it before it wrecks your relationships. Because throwing your shadow on other people doesn’t make it disappear. It just makes everyone else live with it.