The Myth of ‘Readiness’ When Starting a Family.

Ask anyone who’s ever had a kid if they felt fully ready before it happened, and you’ll get some version of: “Absolutely not.”

We talk about “readiness” like it’s a fixed milestone - a certain amount of money, stability, or personal growth that signals the green light. But the truth? There’s no universal threshold where you suddenly have all the skills, patience, and resources lined up perfectly. Waiting for that moment often means waiting forever.

Part of the problem is that readiness is tangled up in control. We want to predict the unpredictable. We want certainty in something that is inherently uncertain. It’s a form of emotional risk management - and in psychology, we know that too much focus on avoiding discomfort leads to avoidance of life itself.

Starting a family will stretch you in ways you can’t rehearse. You can read every book, take every prenatal class, and still find yourself overwhelmed by the reality. That’s because parenting is less about “knowing everything” and more about adapting as you go.

So, instead of asking “Am I ready?” try asking:

• Can I commit to learning, even when I feel like I’m failing?

• Do I have support - friends, family, community - I can lean on?

• Am I willing to adjust my priorities and let some things go?

• Can I handle uncertainty without falling apart?

Readiness isn’t a checklist; it’s a mindset. It’s being prepared to meet challenges with flexibility and compassion - for yourself and your future child.